In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
