btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
