My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was born a porn star she said
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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