He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
