I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dick very happy bro
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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