There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
