I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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