I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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