shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
