Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
