Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
