it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize