eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
