I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
