My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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