We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i've created a new STD.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize