Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize