The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
