absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
