Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
