haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
