someone threw a dead crab at me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize