I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
