I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize