Got a toothbrush?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
