I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
