she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
