once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my poor anus
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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