i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
