I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
