Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
