I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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