Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
