I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
