You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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