so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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