I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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