i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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