Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
