Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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