Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
