Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
