she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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