I think I died a long time ago.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
