is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Enjoy the penises
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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