Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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