it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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