i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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