hell yes lets make some ravioli
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
