what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize