Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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