watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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