Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
