Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
