the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
