Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
