Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
