my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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