I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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