handjob tips. give me some.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
