So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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