i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
