pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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