Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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