You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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