And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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