ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
