since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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