Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
