I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
