So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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