Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
