chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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