I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
