Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
