There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
