forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
