Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
