you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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