you traded sex for a burrito?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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