Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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