Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
