the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
it's like iHOP with fire
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You dont lie about slip and slides
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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