do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
