So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
