whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
