I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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