I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
