a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
