grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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