There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
