Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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