Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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