Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
