this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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