smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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