i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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