I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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