oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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