Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
