yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
